For Bear, on his 50th

Every single year, on my birthday, Ranabir writes me a letter. It’s a love letter, reflecting on the year gone by and contemplating all that lies ahead - travels, family projects, personal goals, new adventures. It’s a gift I genuinely look forward to, read with delight and save in my special box of treasures. The thing is, I’ve never written back. But today, I will. So Bear, on this, the most special of birthdays, here is MY, very public, love letter to YOU.

My dearest Bear,

On the very first day of my visit to Houston, many months before we were engaged, your best buddy Rishad, whom I’d never met before, walked over and welcomed me with the warmest hug. After much fine wine and silly conversation, when you stepped away for a moment, he looked me in the eye and said, “Ranabir is the most incredible person I know. He’s the kind of man I’d want to introduce to my sister.” I’ll never forget that moment (even if Rishad denies he ever said it).

So on a gorgeous March day in 2010, when you proposed on the terrace of an exquisite fort palace in Rajasthan, I already knew that I’d be marrying the kindest, gentlest man I’d ever met.

We’ve been together for almost seven years now. We’ve laughed and fought and kissed and made-up - more times than I can remember - but I’m still sure that I’m married to the kindest, gentlest man I know.

And then, of course, ADIL ROHAN DUTT arrived, bringing with him boundless joy and endless sleep deprivation. From quibbling over where to go for dinner, or which film to watch, we were suddenly arguing about whose turn it was to change the dirty diaper and who was on the night-shift when the baby cried - which was at least ten times, EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. There truly is nothing less romantic than cleaning up a major diaper blow-out, even if it’s the only thing you’ve done together ALL.DAY.

Incidentally, thank you for drawing up our five year spending report - the kind of thing you do in your spare-time (eye-roll) - and calculating that our alcohol expenditure spiked dramatically, and unsurprisingly in 2013 - the year after Adu was born!

Now, at three, Adu is funny and affectionate, defiant and maddening, a real little three-nager. My greatest joy has been witnessing your growth into parenthood and watching you fall in love with each other. I’m not even slightly jealous that Adil gets the first (and best) hugs, when you get home from the airport. You're now even a legitimate Soccer Dad (apart from the minivan, of course!)

They say that the most important thing that we, as parents, can do for our children, is to love and respect each other whole-heartedly. At this, I know we are succeeding, over and over again. In spite of ALL of our differences, of which there are MANY, there’s not the shadow of a doubt that we are, and continue to be, in love with each other - even if I ask you if you still love me, EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

One of my happiest, most comfortable feelings, is being in the same room as you, quietly doing my own thing, while you do yours. (This, of course, only happens when a certain person is away at preschool.) Your presence is serene and non-demanding, secure and authentic. It’s what’s helped me battle powerful personal demons and become more and more of the person I want and am meant to be - truly the greatest gift we can give one another.

Together, we’ve watched Adil learn how to crawl, take his first steps and speak his first words. We blinked, and he was already in preschool. I’m afraid to look away and find that he’s already graduating high-school. As our baby journeys from boyhood to manhood, my greatest hope for him, is a life that’s as rich in friendship, as yours and a personality that’s as full of your special brand of kindness and gentleness. However, I will not complain if he doesn’t inherit your unbelievable messiness, but given how cluttered our house is most of the time, I suspect he already has!

Every night, at bedtime, you and I exchange our three things - one thing we appreciate about each other, one thing we appreciate about ourselves and one thing that made our day special.

So here are my three things - not just for today, but for always.

I’m grateful that you asked me to marry you.

I’m grateful that I said yes.

And I’m grateful for our life together - surrounded by incredible friends, immense love and infinite possibilities.

It's a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL, life and I couldn’t imagine living it with anyone but you and Adu.

All my love,
Deepa